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lost to the world he had known as a boy



Something I get told a lot is "You would be so pretty if you tried." What an interesting comment! Let's unpack that, shall we?


On the one hand, I get where it's coming from. Although I have always expressed myself through what I wear, beyond that, appearances didn't really matter much to me. In daily life, I genuinely don't think about the way I look very often. My body functions properly, it gets me where I need to be, I have no reason to ask it to be pretty on top of everything. I seldom wear makeup. I often can't be bothered to pluck my eyebrows (I genuinely like the way they look untamed). I don't go to the gym. So, for all intents and purposes, I don't necessarily try to be pretty. 


But it hasn't always been this way. I honestly don't know a person who hasn't had a turbulent, everlasting personal journey with self acceptance, and I'm no exception. Even though I know that people who make comments like this are probably in the throes of their own battle with self esteem, it's never really acceptable to comment on someone's appearance like that. Back when I did try to be pretty, remarks like that would really get to me, and I'd spend hours thinking about what else I could do. 


But in the end, you have to give yourself a break because society never will. I could work out at the gym and spend hours on my makeup or even go under the knife and there would still be something ugly about me in the eyes of someone else. Of course, there are some insecurities I can't get away from, and certain things I do for myself. I think a lot of people make assumptions about me based on my own personal style decisions and think that I am prejudiced against people that choose the opposite. But I would never judge someone else for wearing makeup, or getting in shape, or getting plastic surgery. We all gotta get through life our own way. 


I still don't really know how to react to that comment, or how they want me to react to that comment. Do I say thank you, and be grateful that I'm not one of the poor souls that could NEVER adhere to fascist beauty standards, even if they tried? Do I drop everything and promise to do all that's within my power to become beautiful? Do I ask about the process to becoming pretty? I think the only way to win is by walking away.


I've finally reached a point in my life where I've accepted my looks, and I'm no longer allowing myself to be sent into a tailspin based on the insults of people that don't matter. I'm aware that these photos may not be the most flattering of me, that this outfit is perhaps not suitable to my pear shaped body, but I felt good when these photos were taken, and that's really what I wanted to capture and remember.



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