Skip to main content

My Collections: Badges

My badge collection is quite extensive and scattered. I am not even sure if this is all of them -- I'm constantly finding badges in corners of my room, in drawers, or on the floor. Despite how that sounds, I really do treasure my badge collection and try to take care of all of them (though a few have tragically gone through the wash and emerged not quite the same). I started collecting badges when I was about 12 or so, and having material objects that explicitly stated your interests/hobbies was all the rage, not only that but brandishing these trivial objects constituted an identity. I latched on to anything that could differentiate me from my peers and assert my individuality; having plenty of Hello Kitty pins to sprinkle on my backpack seemed like the most convenient means through which I could establish myself as a cultured creative. I've learned to rely on my thoughts, my actions, and my words to convey who I am rather than substituting items for a personality, but I still have a soft spot for badges. What can I say? They're just fun! And there's really no harm in using them to supplement your personality, as affirmation for an already fully formed identity.

Unfortunately, I've had these for so long that it'd be impossible for me to track down where I got them all from.

These are my favorites in my collection. The center one is from Belgium, the one to the right is a Life Aquatic pin that did not fair to well in the wash. The ones at the top and bottom are from The Black Apple.

Funnily enough, this collection is sort of an accurate archive of my past selves -- or at least an accurate catalog of the foundations of my identity. I think to an extent I believe that materialism can lead to authenticity. 


Popular posts from this blog

Steps to healing and solastalgia.

It's quite amazing how your inner landscape changes after abuse and trauma.  Things that never used to bother me, or never even entered my awareness are now triggers sending off anxiety responses and distress.  The intensity of these varies and even though I am aware of them and have good protective strategies in place, frequently they go where they want to go as happens in trauma response.  Your hypothalamus hijacks your brain and off goes your heart rate, blood pressure, cognitive function etc.  If ever you find yourself in the company of someone with severe anxiety or experiencing a traumatic trigger please don't expect them to snap out of it or just get over it, the healing process doesn't work like that. They are not being dramatic or silly, nor is it something they have control over.  Be patient, help them to ease their anxiety and fear by using their senses.  Smelling the smells around them, feeling the breeze on their skin. Noticing the texture of their shirt, the …

a heart who's love is innocent

Lately I've been thinking about the difference between being alone and being lonely. I actually don't like the label of introvert, especially the way it's used nowadays online. People that I've encountered online who identify as introverts seem to have swell heads and think that wanting to be alone sometimes counts as a personality. Or they're incredibly misanthropic and think hating people will make them popular online. Obviously this is a generalization, and I'm sure there are some wonderful people in online introvert communities, I just never felt comfortable calling myself part of them, especially lately. I've also been questioning the usefulness of labels-- I think pretty much everyone has introverted and extroverted tendencies.

I am a pretty solitary person, though, and I've always been okay with that, until recently. In high school, I was hardly a party animal, but I had friends that I could go get coffee with and study with and make flower crowns…

lip gloss and cherry pop

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the ways in which my online persona differs from how I act in real life. I think that my demeanor is mostly the same-- I'd like to think that my online friends and my real life friends view me as a kind and intelligent cheese lover. I've met several online acquaintances in real life and they don't seem at all surprised by my mannerisms or anything. But, strangely, I think I'm more open and expressive online. It sounds strange to say "I'm more myself online than I am in real life," because, like most people, my digital life is heavily curated. But I do think that, as someone who suffers from social anxiety, the internet has allowed me to share my thoughts more freely without the intimidation of talking to someone face-to-face.

My (real-life) friend and I are starting a silly podcast-- it's mostly just us talking and we still don't know if we for sure want to make it public or just record conversations for ou…